Seeds

I have not written a new poem in so long, and i've felt terrible about it. I was lost and lacked motivation. Well, my birthday is in 40 minutes, and I felt that it was only right to right a new poem to end 2008 and bring in my birthday. I wrote this straight through no stops so I hope anyone reading this likes it.

I was taught the pain of heartbreak in the year of 2008,

Tears of pain and joy washed away landscapes of immaturity

As demolition crews squandered time and energy,

and watched me as I took upon my shoulders their burdens.

Atlas’ last son,

I carried the weight of my hopes and dreams,

Building muscles and relying on the strength of my character,

Until I became a free mason and freed myself of the cracks in my fortitude,

Fortifying my determination and ascending to new planes of imagination.

Imagining myself as a hero that uplifts those within the void of heartache,

A void that shares similarities and connects hearts in the wake of destruction

An oxymoron that belies its true intent of forging bonds,

Words flow through the essence of those with the ears to listen,

Not just hearing but breathing in the antibodies,

that are subtle and masked in the shroud of words.

Losing sight of what ails me and embracing what ails society,

Blind to the fact that life blows through me like a maelstrom,

Searching frantically for the eye of the storm, and being disillusioned

By the façade that I use to fool myself that this is a fairy tale,

And has a happy ending.

Riding through storybooks without my red hood to hide me

from the eyes I see in the mirror that reflects only the heartache,

of loving so hard that my words are clogged in my mind

And can’t find the path to enlightenment that will grant inner piece,

to the puzzle that came without all the pieces.

Piecing together the pieces to a poet fragmented,

Scattered and thrown to the wind and like pollen,

Being used to cultivate the minds of everyone in need,

of motivation to flower, and one day succeed.

Tears of pain and joy nourished my desire to be happy,

Saturating the soil in which I planted my love,

Turning myself into a gardener and weeding out weeds,

that choked the seeds of progress.

The Worst Possible end to 2008

I must have been a mass murderer in a past life because I have the worst luck ever. My Sunday night started out boring and ended up escalating to painfully awful. I discovered that someone may have put sugar in my gas tank. Let me tell you how I came to this conclusion.

Last night around 11:30 I was heading out to go bowling with my friends up the street from my house and discovered that my gas tank on my car was open. I tried closing it and it wouldn't close. I was being completely oblivious to the situation still. My next deductive clue was that my car was covered with a white substance. Now it could have been frost, but I had just washed my car yesterday and the rest of my vehicle was still spotless. Next, I looked down and saw a pile of powdery white substance next to left tire with a green scoop sticking out. The scoop resembled something that you would use to build a sand castle at the beach.

With my hand I felt around the gas cap, and behold it was sugar. Ugh. My response was something like this.......NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
It was the worst possible thing that someone could do. They could have broke my windows, slashed my tire, or even keyed my car and it still wouldn't have been as bad as sugar.

Now, due to the ignorance of some people I have to spend a lot of money on my car, hundreds of dollars that I don't have. I'm sure we all agree that this is pretty terrible. I will be carless for a few weeks now until my school gets all this financial aid together and sends out these refund checks, which, I hope, is very soon. So let us have a moment of silence to mourn my baby, the 1998 Intrigue. I am hoping the resurrection fee will not be as expensive as predicted.

Oh, BTW this happened 2 days before my birthday. Ugh 2008 sucks!

Bored on Sunday...ugh!

I'm bored right now and its sad. I really should not b bored while I'm home from school. It just seems to defeat the purpose of being on winter break. To me winter break should be refreshing, but there is nothing invigorating about tonight.

So let's break down the scenario:I have a full tank of gas. I have money in my pocket.I have nothibg but free time,yet,obviously, I must be missing a crucial component to making this equation equal fun.

There is only so many times I can watch wall-E.Wait, that statement is entirely false.I love that adorable robot. I think I just want someone with me. Not neccessarily a girlfriend, just a friend. Someone to enjoy the same atmosphere as me, and it wouldn't help if this friend was a girl and cute lol.

Well, I think ill be broke after my birthday on wednesday so I plan on leaving chicago friday so I can work next monday and have an income eventually. Well, that's all until my year end reflection. I got the idea to do one from lizzy. Her year was great, I hope mine has as many bright spots when I look back.

Sometimes reminiscing is a rough process. Do you remember the time.....

How serious do people take facebook?

So, my friend and I decided to be engaged on facebook just so that we can cause a huge uproar. So far its working quite well. I hate to think that various social networks have this much control and influence in our lives. As a society we have digressed to the point where we believe everything that is online(Wikipedia). The internet is a hub of deceit and spawns a dyadic withdrawal not from our friends, but from the reality of truth that is presented with face to face discourse. Well, I'm waiting for the angry. shocked, and maybe appalled reactions that will come from this experiment.

Wait, there is other news; I received a 3.1 GPA for the semester. Three cheers for Jeremiah Pierre Willis. I worked hard this semester, well, I worked hard when I attended class. I honestly wish I would have went to class more because I could have done so much better, and I would have had less stress during finals week. Ugh. I just made myself sad reminiscing about how much finals sucked.

Due to my hard work I will keep my scholarship and get another refund check that will go towards bills and fixing my car up. So once again three cheers for who? That's right, me! I'm proud of myself because this is my first semester above a 3.0(last semester was a 2.9). The grades are as followed: A- in mythology, A- in Social Inequalities, B- in Television Production, and C+ in Social Psychology. Next semester I'm shooting for a 3.5, and maybe the Dean's list. Like dude from the waterboy said. " You can do it."

Marry X-mas everyone. I hope everyone is satisfied with the holiday season and my birthday is officially 6 days away, December 31st. Presents are appreciated lol.

Train ride Over

Coldest Winter

Omg, Chicago is so cold. Yesterday I received my forecast from the most accurate of sources, weather.com, and I was informed that it was 5 degrees outside but felt like -20. That is ridiculous cold weather. I'm little and skinny and thus have less insulation than most people. I hated being outside, but my dislike of staying in the house bored motivated me to venture out into the blistering environment ( I think I have mild hypothermia).

Well, school is officially over and I think I will come out pretty well. There is only one problem. My teacher supposedly finished all her grading and my grade for my last paper isn't up. She informed us on blackboard that one paper was missing a name. Omg am I really that dense. I emailed her thrice and gave her a copy of my paper to prove that I did it. Now I just need a response and a grade. I think I'll have a 3.0-3.1 gpa for the semester. Yay for last minute grinding.

I'm glad to be home, and love seeing my people.. Oh, and yea it feels great to finally post again on blogspot. Hope you enjoyed the trainride. Bye.

Wondering how would life be if I had mistletoe over my head 24/7

The school year is slowly coming to a close, and I can honestly say that I am extremely pleased. My love for the University of Missouri is still there, but this semester's experiences have taught me so many long life lessons. I have endured so much. I have watched as so many good things have slipped from my grasp, and I really don't know if I should have tried to hold on. Maybe that was my problem, I shouldn't have tried to hold on. I was resentful that this school year was not as great as previous years. Academically I'll come out on top again I suppose. I doubt my gpa will be below a 2.9, but socially and emotionally this has been a trying time in my life. 

So I guess I will not be vague in this post because I need to let go, and the only way for me to release all the negativities invading my mind is to use my words to cleanse my spirit. No, I will not be writing a long emotional poem, or a heartbreaking ode to what life was like 2 years ago when all my friends were still at school, or I had my girlfriend that I still love, but refuse to dwell in that state anymore. 

This semester there was some good. I finally have a car. No longer am I needing rides to and from places. I'd rather be the one scoopin vs. being scooped. I was able to see my brother at his school for the first time, and enjoy everything a University of Illinois homecoming has to offer. Wait...it gets better my brother came to see me for my homecoming a week later. We saw Common in concert, and pretty much got it crackin for a whole weekend. 

After that weekend came the gap in good times. It was all about school until Thanksgiving break, and once that break came all the Bro's drove to see our brother Kyle in Michigan. We kicked it hard for that weekend, and for the remaining time we had together in the Chi. It was great being home. 

**********

Back to the reality of school at Mizzou. Since Thanksgiving break i've been ready to go back home. This semester needs to come to a close....naw scratch that, this year needs to come to a close. Me and my friend Kirsten were discussing our theory that 2008 has not been the year for relationships. We've both broken up with our significant others and seen a lot of our friends end their own relationships. We officially decided to not invest in a relationship until 2009, and ironically my birthday ends this year, so I get to start a new year fresh. I'll be 21 and can focus on reaching my dreams. 

******

Ok, random tangent, I have met someone who is exactly like me. We have the same birthday, like cartoons(specifically anything disney), and just click so well. She's actually one gorgeous female who I only want as a friend right now. Honestly, I just want a friend because thats what I need. Its scary to find someone who reminds me of how I am every time we talk. Its actually refreshing. If you've been following my posts she's the friend who I wrote the poem with a few days ago. So, everything seems so good, and I feel that we have potential in every area and so does she. There is only one problem, she has a ex-bf who may reclaim the boyfriend label, and I doubt us being really good friends is going to pick up like I want. Well, i'll just have to see. We both live in Chicago so I may see her once or twice(more if I'm lucky) while we're home. 

*********

Next, I've been sick for the whole weekend; yet, I still managed to subdue my cold and go out friday, saturday, and sunday. I'm glad I did because on friday my friend Jared through a house party that was more fun than any official party I've been to all semester. On Saturday I went to my friend's graduation/birthday party and that was cool. I followed up that party with an Alpha party, and did not have a great time. I spent the whole time on my phone using yahoo messenger to talk to the friend that I was referring to earlier. It was a good yahoo conversation lol. 

Well, this is my last week at school, and then I wave farewell for an entire month. I have one final on wednesday, and just have to stay here until I get paid on friday. I plan on going home and seeing all my friends. Visiting all the people who miss me, and just relaxing. I need a break from the madness of school life, I hope that next semester and next year is so much more fun and stress free.  I want more from my time at school. I want more fun, a opportunity to finally get down with my favorite organization, and just want to see the spring bring out the best in people. 

************

Note for Lizzy if she reads all of this:

So my tire blew out while I was on the expressway. I think I just don't need to drive anymore ever. I have to go get a new tire today at some point. It sucks to have to keep replacing one tire at a time, but I don't have the funds to by a whole set. I hope your car has been brought back to life, and that everything works out with the family and everything else. We all need some joy an d a relieve of the stress that plagues us with every turn we make. 

Poetry is ....

...A bridge into someone's soul. 

I just had the best time writing a poem with my friend Serena. We each took turns writing one line over yahoo messenger, I wrote the first line and she wrote the second, and we just continued like that.  I feel the poem is great even though we are not finished, but she said she needed to go to sleep. Well, here is the part we did tonight. I hope you enjoy reading our love child as much as we loved making it.

I saw greatness in her, I saw my inner being embodied in a soul as deep as mine

Listening to such a beautiful voice as our thoughts intertwined

Waves of familiarity crashed upon me and washed away all doubts, leaving behind feelings of passion that were sublime, 

Walking along an unfamiliar path with only smiles and laughs, wondering if it was ok to call him mine

Rejoicing in the fact that she was near and I could hold her, cherishing her sweet aroma as I inhaled all of her time after time

Sharing a kiss so deep it wasn't long after that I realized the ecstasy that began to empower my heart at the drop of a dime, 

Uniting our heart so that we never missed a beat of each other's life, reaching a blurring of thoughts and colors that lines couldn't confine,

Realizing that it was the passion our hearts longed for and could no longer divide with those who we could no longer confide...in. 

Entrusting my dreams in the hope, of us, realizing that I've found someone who can read between the lines of my heart and see not only where I finish but where I start, 

Hoping that this erupting passion that has opened to our horizon finally brings from within a new life that shall never end, 

Fusing my love for creativity with her love for life until we give birth to a union that is devoid of pain and strife, cherishing the thoughts of where our passion will send us, 

Through the thick heaven clouds a love so strong would certainly unfold, 

Antonym of yin and yang, but still complimentary to the point that when I breath she breaths, and in our breast we hold a greatness that to others we refuse to divulge. 

What Else is There to do?

Lil Wayne is so hilarious when he's high. Check him out and his views on Sarah Palin

Pierre is Jeremiah

I am having a semi-financial collapse, but at the moment my nonchalant and optimistic nature is kicking in. I have been strapped for cash before and somehow I have pulled through. Oh, there has been times when I have needed help from friends or family, but this time I need to pull myself through it. Sadly, I might have to give up my baby, my wii. That is my heart, but I'ma let it go and adopt a PS3 next semester. 

So, I never did recap my Thanksgiving break did I? Rhetorical questions are the best, but my break away from the University of Missouri was fantastic. Fantastic, that's a word I don't use to much. Fantastic is along the same lines as awesome, and those words are not relevant right now. Everything is usually just decent, but being home in Chicago was like taking a direct shot of vitamin C to my immune system. I needed to escape the desolate landscape of school life. 

Over break I went to Michigan for a weekend, and when that trip was done I kicked it so hard with my boys. We went out to eat, kicked it at the mall, and just did everything possible. I ate sooo much and basically finally was able to relax. I let the 10 days I was away from school ease my mind and reinvigorate my soul. It was great!

Now I'm back at school and ready to leave. I have basically a little less than three weeks, and then I will be able to return to my favorite city. I just love being around my friends, and actually having fun because this semester was not fun. At least it wasn't as fun as previous years at school. I wish I could slide back to September of 2006. That was when all my friends were still here, and there was rarely a slow day. I have seen some of my best friends walk away from school. Candice, Vince, Eric, and many others have vacated for one reason or another. 

I plan on graduating from this school. I refuse to go home without at least two degrees from Mizzou, and I'm almost done. After next semester I will have completed my Sociology degree and just have to grind until I'm done with my communications major. I'm almost there; I can taste victory. 

Oh, I guess I'll explain my title. Over the last few months I have become captivated by my own middle name, Pierre. It is great, and I do not know any other Pierre. Actually, I know very few  Jeremiah's, I started to believe I was like tigger, the only one. Since I've changed my name on facebook to Pierre my friends have ceased to use my first name that much. It's interesting the power that facebook wields. 

Oh, lastly I want to just say that I love my Blackberry. It is so tyte that I rarely need my laptop. Recently I wrote a whole paper on my phone. It was great and  convenient too. Well, I'm done for the moment I need to do some homework. 

** Extra note**

On Dedication 3 Lil Wayne has a skit called " What else is there to do" and in this skit he talks about Sarah Palin. It is so hilarious I set it for my ringtone. Ok, that is all. Bye

** Extra Extra note**

I just checked my Social Inequalities grade and in a matter of a month I've moved from a C- to an A- yea the boy is tyte!

I Hate Banks

So, I have to vent quickly because I need to go get a payday loan because my bank stole 173 dollars from me. On some technicality type shit. Ugh... I hate being upset, but Bank of America can officially suck my $%&, anyways, I have come to the conclusion that banks are evil. I seem to have the most problems with banks, and the funny thing is I tried to stay on top of things this time. I get daily reminders of my account balance, but I never noticed the small insignificant negative sign infront of the 136 dollars. I was rudely awakened from this lapse in observation when I tried to by a milkshake from Wendy's and was DENIED.

Well, I have bills to pay so I need to go get this money,
but for now on I think I'm going to just put my money under my mattress like the
good ol days. Dueces.

Welcome Back

Yo, 

Did you miss me? Well, that goes to anyone who has come to expect daily postings and have noticed that for the past week I have not written a thing. Its pretty terrible when I don't have the motivation to write something as simple as a blog post. SMH at myself, but I'm home in Chicago for break and I'm loving it. Who wouldn't love the blistering cold, F'd up drivers, and expensive prices for everything. Well, to be honest I love my city, and for anyone who has not visited please come and bask in the greatness of the Windy City. 

Ok, if we  backtrack a little, we shall travel back to a place called Michigan. This past weekend I was in Michigan with my Brothers. We went to visit my friend Jasmine and our other brother Kyle. It was a lot of fun, We drank, we smoked, and we ate. It was wonderful. There was a small situation regarding Jasmine's boyfriend getting jealous. He almost got his face broke, but me and the Bro's was in a very lenient mood. 

I really can't complain right now, well, yes I can but I won't. I enjoyed the weekend, and now I'm home. Oh, so I finally have a new phone, a Blackberry Curve. I had to pretty much stalk a grown ass man because he had my phone and just now decided to be available to give it to me. Ugh, it was frustrating. I really had to threaten the man. Never again will I endure such a hassle for a phone. Yet, there is some good news; I no longer have to hold my head a certain way for people to hear me talk. Conversations flow so much easier now. :-)

Well, I still haven't written any new poems, but I feel my writer's block starting to dissipate. Hopefully I can get back on the grind soon and come up with more great poems. 

Oh, yesterday me and my friend Tonisha was driving down the street and we saw a man just licking his phone in the car next to us. Like it was a lollipop, and he couldn't get to the Tootsie Roll center. It was hilarious. Well, thats all for now. I hope you come ride this ride again. 

Writer's Block

I have extreme writer's block. I feel so uncreative at the moment, and strongly believe that my muse in on strike. I don't know if she wants a raise, or better benefits, but I need her to come back to her place of employment. She needs to do some serious housekeeping because my mind is a cluttered mass of transient thoughts. Metaphors are running rampant, similes stumbling around, banging on the walls and she's not there to get her workers inline. Well, I was reading one of my old poems and one stood out so I decided to share since I can't write anything worth posting at the moment. Hopefully inspiration hits me over the head soon.

Midnight

The sun sets to give rise to you, 
Hour of creativity and divinity,
Time is overtaken by serenity, 
Thoughts are born anew

Drifting out of mundane reality
Grasping at clouds of effervescence
Sifting through flashing 'scapes of freshness
Awed by the tender state of fragility. 

Dancing twilight transcends
Rambunctious nature of the soul
Devouring all that was trite and old
Blossoms the world without end.

Soothing the beast we intimately knew
freeing the symphony of wind 
Til the time comes when it all ends
Accosted by the morning dew.

Summer Night's Dance

Creation, 
Union of thoughts and action
Rapid heartbeat
Reanimation, 
Chances to touch beauty
Jumping,
All for me
None for him. 
Devouring,
Kissing all you have, 
Rekindling your spark
So deep 
I can feel your heart, 
Simply overpowering
Unison,
of the physical
and mental, 
together grasping at 
more than carnal
creation,
spiritually essential.

As I said in my previous post its caking season. I think this poem embodies that sentiment exactly. Caking is more than physical it's a mental experience too. Experiences that transcend the normal manifestation that attractions may present. I love to be sensual, caressing and holding a woman is one of the best experiences ever. At the moment I'm lacking a caking buddy, but hunting season isn't over, like Eric said we have time. Maybe someone will come around worth our attention. :-)

Why the hell am I not sleep?

Its 7am, but i've been up since about 5am. I'm a blog addict, and not just my own blog. I love what I write, but I love when I find new blogs that can actually hold my attention. I've been up reading and commenting on people's posts, listening to Dedication 3, and thinking about writing a new poem. Thats all the ingredients for a good start to my morning.

I'm glad its Saturday and that I don't have school because I know I probably would use this as an excuse to not go to class. This past week I missed so much class, but I'm still going to try to grind out this 3.0. I need to keep this GPA up. Good grades=Refund Check, and I need to get my car worked on and pay off all my credit card bills.

So I'm doing this post extremely random. Wherever my mind wanders thats where this train ride will go, so don't mind the track changes. 

Where is all the good Saturday morning cartoons? Hey Arnold, Doug, Recess(didn't we all think T.J. was going to become King of the playground?), Darkwing Duck, Bobby's World, Duck Tales, Rocko's Modern Life, Dexter's Laboratory, and so many more. Cartoons in the 90s where the shit. I would wake up at 6am to catch One Saturday Morning, and switch between that and Fox Kids. Damn I miss those days. 

I'm still a big kid. Wait thats an understatement, I'm the epitome of childhood enthusiasm. I love anything animated, and because of the lack of good American cartoons I have crossed the oceanic divide. I have embraced everything Anime related. Movies such as Spirited Away, Howls Moving Castle, and The Castle in the Sky. I love Anime series such as Bleach, Naruto, Full Metal Alchemist, and so many more. I have completed at least 50 anime series  in my life. 

" I got her clothes falling off like the hanger loose" Lil Wayne

Lil Wayne is a ridiculously innovative rapper. I like Dedication 3, but in all honesty Dedication 2 was better. I'm not going to complain that he didn't surpass himself because I know I'm going to put this in the car and blast it forever until Carter 4. Carter 3 was in heavy rotation all summer, and now when I was slowing down on the Weezy rotation he releases this. Great Times!

Its cold outside, and it's officially hunting season. Oh, I'm not outside in the woods sniping Bambi and Thumper, but I realized its "Cakin" season. Its that time of the year when you want to lay around the house with a female and just become extremely enthralled. Absorbing each other's every thought. Feeding on the sensual nature that can take hold of us. Being single is fun at times, but I'm romantic and love having a girlfriend to be close too. Someone who I can have fun just holding while we watch a movie. Someone to keep me warm throughout the night, so I can keep my heater off and save on electricity. Lol

Ok, I've rambled on for long enough. Next post will be more structured, I think. I know I have to write this poem that Eric told me to write. I want to post more poetry, I would post the first chapter of the book I'm writing, but that would be doing to much. Whelp, I'm out. Train has returned to the station. 

Carpe Diem

" Yesterday is history and tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That's why it's called the " Present"

That is one of the tightest movie lines ever, courtesy of KungFu Panda. I'm in a good mood. One of those good moods that only a good movie will put me, especially a good animated movie. I'm a big kid at heart. I love Disney movies , and I feel that Pixar and Dreamworks are wonderful. I'm the Disney movie buff that no one wants to play the game Scene It with. 

Today was a good day at work. My kindergarden and first graders where almost kinda sorta behaved. I just bought KungFu Panda today and decided that I would let them watch it. It made the time go by almost to fast, and after that movie I remembered I had my High school Musical DVD in the car. The kids where extremely happy, and I was able to finish my work for class tomorrow.  Yay!

The last couple of days have spawned some unhappy posts, well unhappy for someone like me who's always a bundle of joy. I'm glad to at least have a great disposition right now, and I plan on making it last for as long as possible. I have a lot to look forward to; I go home in 8 days, and finally get to see my friends and family. It'll be great times. 

Well, I'm about to read and relax, get off my train lol. 

Couple's Couplets

Basking in eternal sunshine my eyes clear, 

Waves of the sea, cleanses me of fear

Seeds of the past flourish in my heart,

Souls connect and can no longer be apart

Paths diverge into the void of heartbreak,

Pain that is real and cannot be faked

Eyes are stricken blind with images of you, 

Praying for the day, that we are made anew

Skin on skin radiates euphoria and bliss,

An infinite pleasure, from a subtle kiss

Reincarnation of forgotten beauty, 

Hidden in the folds of life’s cruelty

Cherished cherry blossoms flourish

Love does too, it just has to be nourished.

I tend to write a lot of poems free verse, just writing and implementing line breaks where I see fit, but with this piece I felt the need for structure and thought that couplets would be fun to play with since I rarely use them. Today I'm in a romantic mood. I watched Wall-E and it was great. Well, I think its wonderful that two semi-mute robots can fall in love. Crazy that the robots can somehow break all the barriers that plague their existence and make it work. I mean Eve was an uptown girl from a nice neighborhood, space, and Wall-E was from the bad part of town. He had no proper upbringing, was basically built for a low end job with no chance for advancement. He was the epitome of someone experiencing the glass ceiling affect. Still he worked hard, followed her home, and it was by being himself that he eventually won her over. She had to realize that he truly cared and see what was right before her eyes. 

I wish a lot girls could see what is right in front of them. Today me and my boy was talking about girls in general and how as of right now it seems that the women we know want to do them, and in the process leave behind the men who have their back 100% percent. Now I can't fault that, but I believe that some women feel that a good man will be there when they're ready to come back. Hell No! I'll be damned if I sit around and wait for a woman to come back while she's out doing her to the fullest. I'm a caring, loving, nice individual, but I'm not so love struck that I'm foolish. Waiting for someone who doesn't want you now, but will when they're ready is foolish. A woman will not set me down and pick me up like a child's plaything. I'm to good for that, and am one of the few men I know who don't play games with people's emotions. When I care and love you thats it. No questions to be asked. 

Now I will not be stereotypical and say all women are like that, but some right now that me and my boy know are, and its irritating. Even my ex is like that. Ahhh she thought it was sweet. She hit me the other day on some I love you and miss you type stuff. Saying she miss the friendship, but nope I don't want to be her friend. I can't just be her friend, I would do to much for her, I've done to much for her and I would want more from her than friendship. So for the moment I'm alright with the random spurts of text message conversation. I'm alright with not seeing her, even though she is 10 minutes within driving range. I'll live, because when I was trying to be with her I was slowly dying waiting for her to come around. So I'm done waiting, and she's got me to the point where I'm done trying. 

The sad part is its officially cold and thus caking season has begun. Whelp, I'll be alright. Hope you enjoy the poem. 

Disappointment

" Hope for the best, but expect the worst." 

That little bit of advice doesn't tend to work for me because I'm naturally optimistic. I'm the wide eyed kid who is surprised when things go wrong. My optimistic nature seems to have backfired extremely hard. Now I think I'll embrace pessimism and attempt to delude myself into feeling a sense of foreboding around every corner. At least then when something good happens I can feel extremely overjoyed, unlike this aching feeling of disappointment. 

Today I was informed via a phone call that I was not selected for Co-Chair of the organization I love so much. They could have texted me that B.S. I can honestly say I worked hard, and have been trying to be an outstanding member of the organization. I've made it to every meeting, been at every even, and basically shined throughout the semester. Even though  I did all this and tried so hard, obviously, it wasn't enough. 

I plan to not be bitter about the whole situation; I still love the organization. I will continue to play my role, and try again next year. There's always next year. Well, that's what I'm telling myself right now. Repeating it over and over in my head, and hoping it'll sink in. 

Next year I'll step it up a notch, but for right now disappointment is all I have to hold onto. Thanks for joining me today, please remove all luggage from the compartments and have a nice evening. 

Prolific

Ugh, I'm tired of the prolific pieces. Enough, my life has been rather complicated as of late. Today I had an interview for the Co-Chair position in my organization, United Ambassadors. I have wanted this position since the summer, and all my hard work culminated in me being up until 3am making a powerpoint and budget. Oh, thats not as bad as it sounds, but the sad part is I've been sick all weekend. The type of sick where I just had no desire to leave my bed. 

There were definitely moments when I wanted to quit and let sickness take over, but I decided to persevere since I've already been through the first interview two weeks ago. I'm proud of myself for not quitting, and I really hope I get the position. I think I would do well in a leadership position. 

Well, my day is coming to an end, there's nothing I really want to do. I just watched Boy Meets World on youtube for a while, and now I think I'm going to watch A Knight's Tale on DVD. I feel like being a true bum, and finishing my recuperation from this devastating illness. I don't handle being sick very well, I tend to act rather childish. Does anyone want to come take care of me? I need some soup, a back rub, and someone to watch movies with me. Feel free to just come by. 

Well, its time for me to relax, I'm sure I'll write more later once I have something important to say. So for now the train ride is over. Adios 

Men Cry in the Dark

Men Cry in The Dark is a novel written by Michael Baisden, and is one of my favorite books. All my life I've read pretty much any work of literature that was handed to me. I always hope that the first chapter captivates me and pulls me deeper into the realm of fiction that I so love. Every so often I am fortunate enough to come across a book that touches me, and leaves a lasting impression. These are books that I count amongst my favorites, and the novel by Michael Baisden did just that. 

 

I have always been an emotional type of person. I care for others openly and am not afraid to express my true feelings. I mean why hold back? I don't care about trying to uphold the masculine standard. I feel that it takes real strength to care and love openly. 

 

So why is it that men feel that it is a sign of weakness to cry, that tears are a symbol of feminism and eradicates all aspects of masculinity. Well, to reject those sentiments is to reject our earliest socialization. This is the aspect of our development that was imposed on us by other men, either through family interaction or interaction through our peers outside of a home dynamic. 

 

To be honest I detest the common ideal that it is only alright to break down at certain points in your life. Points of no return such as a death in the family or extreme pain, well, that’s really it. Those are the only guaranteed time that someone would not try to diminish your right to manhood. Oh, crying over a breakup, hard times, or just life in general, that’s a negative. 

 

I often want to cry.  That is the only advantage women have over men - at least they can cry.  ~Jean Rhys

 

To some degree I can say that after thoughtful consideration crying has become more acceptable, yet, not fully engraved within the core of masculine society. I hope that it will become alright for an individual to weep, and release all their pains and sorrows. Bringing to light pain that was always kept in the dark. 

 

 

Tears are the safety valve of the heart when too much pressure is laid on it.  ~Albert Smith

 

Well, this ride is over. I just wanted to discuss that for a moment, and now I'm going back to watching across the universe and reading Greek mythology. Dueces

Tokyo, Paris Remix Squared

Passport, Check

Pass me the passport so I can inject my life with life support
Resuscitate and invigorate my sense of adventure, 
As I venture into unknown terrains, 

a cornucopia of euphoria
Inhaling the tantalizing aroma of versatility, 

Devoid of familiarity, 

I succumb to the void, 
Flailing, 
Helpless to avoid 
the gaping expanse

Tickets, Check

Destination is wonderland and I see the Cheshire Cat, 
Smiling, 
Luring my down the rabbit whole so I can’t turn back
Tea and crumpets with the mad hatter, 
Two options,
Stationary or evolutionary, and I choose the latter

Luggage, Check, 

Crossing into new planes, and when I return I plan to lose my baggage, 
Returning brand new and completely changed, I hope I can manage, 
The kaleidoscope spins and like it, I transform from beginning to end
Well versed in the languages of the world, not verbal reveling in the linguistic, 
Yet,
Mentally futuristic. 

Friends..how many of us have them?

I've been gone for a whole day. I was on a blogging hot streak, at least one post a day, but sadly life got in the way. When problems come my way they come in groups. Usually bringing along one or two friends. So RUDE!!! I hate uninvited guests. So besides me being financially unstable at the moment, I now have a flat tire, and no money to buy a new one. Sucks to be me.

Well, actually it doesn't because when I think about it I have been blessed with great friends. Oh, I could go down the line naming every great person in my life, but I think right now my brothers are the most relevant. When I'm done, they're usually up, hell, even when I'm up they're still up. Right now they are who I turn to when I need help. I usually don't like to call home and bother my mother or grandparents, but I do call my family.

My friends are my family. I have always valued friendship so much that I would give my last to my friends. If I feel that you have my best interest at heart at all times, then there is nothing I would not do to help a friend. I love my brothers soooooo much. They constantly help me when I need them.

I'm happy to have such long lasting friendships, that I know will continue until we 're all old and gray, and walking with a walker. Yet I can't overlook new friendships that may not be as ancient as others. Friends such as the ones I've met in college, or on certain sites like Blogspot( Lizzy).

Some of my best friends now, are ones that I've met in my years since high school. Friends like Eric, Jarrell, Jalisa, and many more. Friends that I feel I will know, love and cherish forever. Oh, and back to Blogspot friends, Lizzy you're great. Especially this morning waking up to the shout out in your post.

Just a while ago Lizzy questioned what could I possibly say about her? Well, I can say alot pertaining to her wonderful sense of humor, her love for things that are not on everyone else's top ten lists, or the way she constantly keeps me wanting to learn more. Well, Lizzy I hope this is enough for right now, I could go on but I don't want your head to get any bigger. Now the question is what could you say about me?

Think.Act.Be

I wrote this post after reading one of my bro Eric's post. It was a refreshing post that you can find here. Eric was the one telling me everyday that I needed to set up a blog, and curse him, now I'm addicted. Well here is the poem that Eric inspired. Hope you enjoy the ride.

I think therefore I am,

Mirrors can only reflect my outward appearance,

But my internal reflection marks my physical disappearance,

And the reappearance of my ethereal existence

Covered in the sweat that comes from persistence

I hunger for my thoughts to define my subsistence.

 

Playing hide and seek with myself,

No teams or partners to help,

Running around in circles,

Chasing my mental health.

 

Actions speak louder than words,

Yet, I want to scream loud so my words are heard

Actions are often fake and hollow

imitations of the truth that only the naïve will swallow

Rather my words speak for themselves,

Tests of authenticity they never fail,

against society’s rules I’ll prevail.

 

I think outside the box,

Reality is a triviality that I refuse to see,

My mind is a truth that the world can’t believe,

An ideal that you are unable to perceive,

A signal your antennae can’t receive.

Yet, society will try only to be deceived.

 

I think with my heart,

 

My third eye is uncanny,

Way of above the norm of the many,

Poets, rappers, writers galore,

Whose work is logical, rational, mainly a bore.

No use of simile or metaphor I find that I need more.

 

More of the mental ambrosia that makes me feel divine,

More of the creative euphoria that makes me feel design,

A work of poetry where words play and creative juices spray.

 

Act out your wildest dreams,

Gone are the days where the world was silent and pristine

Now is the era where silence is no longer serene,

The world is ready for me to use my words as a source to lean,

Going on and on like a Badu song.

 

To be or not to be that is the question

I choose to be and learn life’s lessons,

Shakespeare pointed me in the right direction

Action was the key to Romeo’s resurrection

he died but he succeeded in Juliet’s deflection

So I’ll be active and hope for Hamlets motivation.

 

Be all you can be, smile and model for history,

Not a repeat of past endeavors

But a conundrum a mystery,

Embodiment of a dynasty,

One voice, one body, one mind

Standing the test of time.

First Session

I know today is the day we make history, but yesterday I experienced one of those firsts...you know first as in first kiss, or first.... well you can fill in the blank. Starting at 8pm last night I started recording my first song. My boy Corry, aka Rocket, was in the studio singing and playing with this beat when I walked into the room. It was the Mockingbird beat by Eminem, and it happens to be one of the catchiest beats ever. So our conversation went something like this:

Flowz: Yo Roc lets make a song, NOW!

Rock: You 4real? Lets go!

--Break for writing--

Flowz: I'm done set me up in the booth

I walk into the booth for my first time in life. I thought I was going to be nervous but I actually wasn't. I laid my verse down in a few takes, and had a lot of fun with it. I was dancing around the microphone, acting all cool, and being my normal goofy self. There was not a hint of nervousness; although we learned that since I talk so low all the time next time we do something like this I am definitely going to have to up my volume. 

Corry went into the booth next and spit a hot 16 bars. It was great. He did all the producing too, and singing. Yes, we have him doing his t-pain/chris brown on the track. My bro is extremely talented. He even did the photoshop for the picture of me on here. 

Well, the whole process took about 4-5 hours because his computer is a baby. It couldn't handle all the things we where doing to the track, and it continuously froze on us. We remained dedicated and finished our project, which, I believe turned out great for a random idea, and seeing as it was my first time recording. I learned what I need to improve on if I record anymore songs with him, and still fun. 

I actually plan on putting the song on here once this fool sends it to me as an mp3 file. He gave me a long quicktime file thats about 10mb. I can't even put that on my ipod...UGH!!! Well, I have homework to do, people to vote for, and class to attend. Dueces.

Train Ride

July 10, 2008, 10:08pm

Thats the date I wrote the piece that inspired my blog's URL. I am a poet first and foremost. A writer who uses words to dictate my reality. I was looking at the description in my header and realized I'm not sharing to much of my poetry. I had another poem in mind to share, and even thought of a whole post just for it, but I decided maybe tomorrow would be better. So here's my poem entitled train ride.

All aboard for the midnight train
Destination, nowhere,
Wheels squeal as the train speeds on,
Towards the end of the line.

The track falls into an abyss
And my thoughts tumble after
Flailing helpless against the onslaught of the night,
Mares infused with the need to be released and roam free.

Two minus one equals me,
Yet divided I’m still whole,
What once was one can never be undone
Seeds bloom in the night or with the sun.

I hope you enjoy it as much I enjoyed writing it.

Year of the Gentleman

Is chivalry dead?

I love to see men open doors for women, pull out a lady's chair, or even give a woman his jacket when she's cold. I know it may seem hard, but believe me its the right way to go. Now, I admit I hate being cold, its the worst possible condition to me. I thrive in sweltering heat. I live for the sun, it sustains me, but I would hate to walk with a woman and be warm all the while she's next to me damn near convulsing due to the cold. 

You may be asking where did this all come from, and why am I questioning the morals of my fellow men. The answer is simple. I've been listening to Ne-Yo's new CD, Year of the Gentleman, and I feel that just the title alone touches on a sensitive subject. 

" The age of chivalry is past. Bores have succeeded to dragons" Charles Dickens

I pray that Dickens was wrong, and that men still are men. Meaning that they still value the well being of women, and not just that of their significant others. I can be honest and say that I have in the past been lax in my chivalrous nature, but thankfully I have a mother, and strong female friends who have set me back on the right track. I never want to feel that this world has lost its morals, its character, or its conscience.  

Yes conscience. A conscience is what tells us right from wrong, and without it we would not know that its wrong to enter into a room before a lady. We would not be able to fully appreciate the fact that as men we can accomplish great things in our lifetimes, but without a strong woman then we will inevitably fall. 

" Behind every great man is a strong woman" ?

The above quote was true when it was said and stands true now. I hope to find a woman strong enough to stand behind me, and when I do I will honor and respect her the way she deserves.  Chivalry is not dead because I am alive. I will leave you with this quote, and then once again this train ride must come to an end. 

"Some say that the age of chivalry is past, that the spirit of romance is dead. The age of chivalry is never past, so long as there is a wrong left unredressed on earth. " Charles Kingsley

Lost Passenger

Well, I'm in the mood for a little recreational blogging. Halloween  was, well, interesting.  We had a halloween party at the Boys and Girls club. It was fun. We had all candy, great times. So at the club I started racing one little girl, of course I won. This one race ended up turning into a series of races between me and all the kids. Then some other staff got involved, and it finally culminated with a 5 dollar bet between me and my boss on whether I could beat my friend Jordan, another staff member. 

Now, this is the scenario. 

Jeremiah- ran about 50 races against kids, never losing. 

Jordan- fresh and completely energized.

Jeremiah- extremely cocky, so I agree.

Now the results. 

The first race I won, but they decided they wanted to act like they didn't know where the finish line was, so we had to had to do it again. 

Second race Jordan damn near throws me to the ground in an attempt to body me out the way. I call for a rematch. 

Third race is actually fair, but we tie; although, some kids say I won. It didn't matter after that I no no longer had the energy to run anymore. I'm getting to old for that(21 on December 31st).

It was fun, but I firmly believe if Jordan had decided to run against me when I was fresh and still a bundle of energy it would have been a different ending entirely. 

Ok, so of course my Halloween consisted of more than just the BGC, after work I went to see Saw V with some friends. The movie was great, but my ex-girlfriend was there. Me and her supposedly had squashed all our problems, but we didn't say one word to each other. Not hi, hello, hows it going, we said nothing. It was interesting because we talked to everyone but each other. Then we get home at about 2am and decide to text complaining about why neither one of us spoke, and that it was awkward. She texted me that it bothered her that WE didn't speak to each other, and to be honest it bothered me too, but in my defense, I waved and she didn't see it. 

Well, that was my halloween. It was coo, but I miss the days when Halloween was one of my favorite holidays. Well, next up is Thanksgiving. Thankfully I'll be back home in the wonderful city of Chicago where I belong. Well, I have to read for class, I have a test tomorrow. Feel free to wonder aimlessly around the train, but the conductor has to take a break. 

2.22am

Obama for President

Ok, so I realized today, or rather yesterday, that the University of Missouri is a BIG F'IN DEAL! The next president of the United States was here to speak to the Columbia community. Now if only I was able to see him, or at least hear him, but unfortunately I had to relinquish my press pass, and was unable to make it due to my duty as a responsible, caring member of society. In lemans terms-- I was at work. 

Oh the joy everyone must have experience to witness a living legend speak today, even if that line was extremely long. I have statements from people who stood in line for at LEAST three hours. WTF!!!

I shouldn't act like I wouldn't have done it too. I mean it's Obama, when will I have another chance to see him in person? Obviously it wasn't going to happen yesterday, though, it would have been great, and to make matters worse I couldn't even afford an Obama T-shirt. How wack is that?!

So, in other non-presidential hopeful news I saw Jessica today. At this moment you may be asking who is Jessica. Well, let me enlighten you. She is the cute volunteer from the previous post. She was at the BGC today, and a small kindergardener told her I was a player. Wow, yes you should be shocked too. I was being blocked by someone who can barely count to ten without the help of a diagram, calculator, and abacus all at hand. 

It was pretty dastardly of him, to say the least. Yet, I could not fault him for it, kids are extremely sneaky in this generation. Luckily for me she isn't prone to believe the ramblings of the young. I saw her after work, at a fountain, and we enjoyed each others company for a good thirty minutes of my life. It was great times, and I hope to have more of them, but for all future endeavors between me and miss Jessica I plan to be far away from the BGC and all blocking little boys. 

I feel that this train has come to it's final stop for the night. Please depart the train and make sure you have all your baggage because the doors will be closed until further notice(probably until saturday since this counts as Friday's post). Goodnight and good evening. 

The BGC

The Boys and Girls Club isn't just a job for me, its a growing experience. 

I love kids...our generations responsibility is to pave the way for the next one to surpass us. I strongly believe that, especially since I just wrote it. I have seen kids come and go, and I hope that I have played a positive role in their life. I hope I have inspired them to step out of their shells and embrace their dreams. 

Dreams are the stepping stones to greatness. A great man said that, me. Whoever shall walk in the path of adversity and grow from their trials will be a stronger individual, and these kids are walking that path. I want to be a guiding light through the fog to insure their safe passage. 

Dreams are not only meant to be experienced during the R.E.M. stages of sleep, but rather during your time awake. That is why I'm working so hard to make sure that I don't lose sight of my dreams. I want to write professionally. I want to be acknowledged for my poetic skills, and as great word smith for my generation transcending boundaries and barriers that are firmly in place in this society we currently live in.  Sucks to have been born in this era sometimes. 

We are taught growing up that this is the best time for our dreams to be accomplished, and that there are sooooooo many opportunities to help make them a reality. Yet, at the same time there are soooooo many obstacles to a child's dream of just making it to the age of 18. 

I'm from Chi-town and its a dangerous place to be. I'm not saying that anywhere else is safe right now, well maybe somewhere in Idaho, you never hear about crime there. Chicago's homicide rate is incredibly high. I'll give the exact stats later, but trust me it's ridiculous when a seven year old boy is abducted and killed. Senseless violence! 

I know that is a sad thought, but back to the BGC. I love the kids, but they are crazy and wild. Today I was having a conversation with a very cute volunteer and I swear kids be trying to block on the low. It was funny, this 4th grader came up to me and my friend Jess, putting us on blast. LOUD! At the moment I didn't care because I actually like her , I didn't mind because it was funny, and who pays attention to a 4th grader, well I do. 

Ok, I'm tired and need to read. I'm seriously slacking. Its time for all passengers to exit the train while we refuel.  Save your tickets because you'll need them for re-admittance. Have a nice break. 

** By the beginning o July Chicago had 228 murders reports for 2008 **