Heartless Life's Instrumental

" In the night I hear em talk the coldest story ever told, somewhere far along the road he lost his soul to a woman so heartless"

My boy Eric put me on this song, oh, about two weeks ago. He loves it, and I love it too. Great minds thing alike, or is it the fact that we both have a lot of hesitancy when it comes to women at the moment? Maybe, maybe not. 

I had a dream about my ex-girlfriend. It was extremely melodramatic, probably because I had been watching Boy Meets World and Dawson's Creek on YouTube, but it was extremely disturbing. In this dream I don't know how, but we reconciled our differences, and i promised to put aside all the negatives in our relationship. I remember that another girl walked by and I turned to pay her some attention for some reason and then turned back to my Ex and found she wasn't visible to me, after scanning the area I finally saw her blending in to the surroundings. I woke up suddenly and felt like I'm not over her yet, I felt drained, even after 8 hours of sleep. 

At this exact moment I miss her like crazy, but I refuse to put myself out there anymore, I decided to move on and let go. My Bro's all told me that if I let go, maybe she'll come back when its time. Fuck all that! In the past few months time has stopped, seemed like father time had a heart attack, but my life has to keep moving. As much as I want to be with her, I know that I can't try to grasp what isn't there. This is one train ride that won't repeat. If its meant to be I hope she has her running shoes on cuz she has to run to catch this train again. Deuces.

P.S. Plus I find myself feeling someone else, and I'm interested to c where it goes, I hope it takes me to a place devoid of heartache, where I can bask in the peacefulness of having someone to share my dreams with and not nightmares devoid of love. So if she has the time, then i'll invest the energy. 

Why?

"Life is a struggle, and for all those who are reckless I hope your belt's buckled" Pierre Willis

A long time ago I wrote a poem analyzing why life is so hard, and I came to the conclusion that even after writing it, I still don't know. If I was to ask you that would you say because we as a people have to endure hardships to fully appreciate the good things in life. Uh No! If so thats some B.S. I want a long span of happiness, where I have everything I need. I'm tired of struggling and enduring waiting for my moment to be like Scrooge Mcduck and swim in my money bank. 

"But there is suffering in life, and there are defeats. No one can avoid them. But it's better to lose some of the battles in the struggle for your dreams than to be defeated without ever knowing what you're fighting for"  Paulo Coelho

I can be absolutely honest right now I am completely broke, never have I been this without. No money in the bank, if I dived into my account I'd probably die from impact. Although, I do get paid tomorrow so thats a blessing. Speaking of blessing, the bible says to think God for everything, and so yes I am thankful to have a job, and to be where I am at in life. Sure, I struggle, and I have to endure untold hardships everyday; whether it comes from people in my life who definitely do not deserve to be there, or the usual self-inflicted pain of wanting what I can't have. 

Well, I hope you've enjoyed the ride, this is my mindset right now. I'm tired of wanting and not getting, but more on what I want later. This is your stop hope you board again soon.